Let's Talk About Sex...

My parents were terrified of the word sex! I grew up in a home where it wasn’t really appropriate to show affection to each other or to ever talk about something as sinful as sex. I think my parents were trying to instill the sacredness of sexual intimacy, which should be commended, however, not talking about it created some real issues for me and probably my siblings.

For one I felt a sense of curiosity about sex and didn’t have a good place to go for answers. Being the independent person that I was and still am, I looked for the answers to my questions in a fairly reliable but not great source. I turned to my neighbors Encyclopedia. I am showing my age here because I would be willing to guess that many younger than me have never even heard of an Encyclopedia – that is until they see the Friends rerun where Joey purchases the volume V. At least I am able to show my age and thankfully my inquiry didn’t turn to the Internet where I would have found potentially a lot more than just an answer to what sex was.

The second thing it did was instill a feeling of grossness about sexual intimacy. My parents weren’t there to talk about the good aspects of sex, the beautiful parts of sharing something so deeply with only one other person. I felt dirty after I got married. I didn’t understand how something so nasty and disgusting could suddenly turn great and okay after just simply saying “I do.” I had a hard time talking to my spouse about my feelings and didn’t feel that we should talk about sex.

In The Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage by Brent A. Barlow he counsels that “talking about this intimate relationship – including the emotional feelings that attend it – can go a long way in strengthening a marriage.”

Please parents – talk to your kids about sex! We live in an age where they will find the answers to their questions and not as innocently as I did. The encyclopedia was pretty medical about the whole thing. Help your children know that it’s okay and something that they should talk about with their parents, and their spouse. I want my children to know that any question they have can be brought to me. I want them to know that I won’t be uncomfortable talking to them about it and will answer their questions as honestly as I know how.

My seven-year-old daughter asked me how a baby gets into the mommy’s tummy before heading off to school one morning. While this would have petrified my own mother I was grateful for the belief that children’s questions should be answered honestly, without embarrassment and should be appropriate for their age. We talked about eggs, sperm, and cells dividing to make a human. She didn’t have any other questions and when recounting the story that night said she didn’t even really remember what I had told her. But hopefully she remembers that we as her parents are the ones to turn to when needing answers to questions about sex and intimacy.